Random Things That That I’ve Encountered Recently

Once in a while, I haven’t got anything substantial to talk about and I just need to ‘clear the deck’ so to speak.

 …I’m on the bus to work and I overhear some woman talking on her cell phone about relationships.  She tells her friend on the other end she’s still single because she has no inclination to ‘train a man’.

Ugh.  I can’t tell you how much that phrase annoys me.  I even caught my sister, who is the smartest and most enlightened person I know using this phrase.  You train dogs.  Not human beings…

…if I’m shopping and you are blocking the ENTIRE aisle with your shopping cart and your body, I will ask you politely to make some room to let me by.  If you ignore me I will take your cart and push it to one side (unless you have children in your cart) so I can get by.  And don’t give me that look, like your personal space is being violated.  The trolley belongs to the store, your items haven’t been paid for and maybe next time, you’ll leave some space for others to get by…

…while we are in the grocery store, stop yelling at the cashier like they are the CEO of the company with the capacity to make policy decisions.  The cashier is there to… cashier.  Ring up your purchases and take your money, and generally get paid very poorly to do it.  That’s it.  Which is very hard for them to do when you’re holding things up. 

This is the correct way to handle things:  Ring your things up, pay, and then ask to speak to someone in charge, that you have a complaint and you would like to discuss it with him/her.  Be firm, but civil.  Do not swear or name-call.  And then stand to one side while the rest of us can buy our stuff and be on our way.  We aren’t on your side.  We want to get home.

…Newcastle United has a thing for last-second heroics in domestic Cup ties.  Since the game wasn’t televised, I had to settle for highlights, which included this Messi-esque surge from Hatem Ben Arfa against Blackburn Rovers…

…I was a little discouraged to read an article in the Guardian about the waning popularity of the FA Cup in England.  Dear England… you do not know what you have.  I wish that North America had the equivalent in whatever sport (baseball would be the most practical, but I’d love to see an FA Cup-style tournament in hockey).  For those not in the know, the FA (Football Assocation) holds an annual domestic cup tournament open to all Football League Teams, and the five tiers below the Football League (which comprises I think 26 separate leagues,  please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong) and selected teams from tier 6.  This season 763 teams entered the tournament.

Most of the lower level teams fall by the wayside in qualifying rounds.  Those that survive enter the first round proper with the bigger teams.  You have some interesting match-ups and some giant-killing moments.  There is no seeding and draws are done at complete random.  This year’s 3^rd round pitted #1 Manchester City against #2 Manchester United.

Last year Crawley Town, a small 5^th league team from West Sussex survived to the 5^th round where they played Manchester United, the then #1 team in English football.  The equivalent would be some obscure single A baseball team in rural Illinois going to Yankee Stadium to play the Yankees.  And they lost, but didn’t get embarrassed.  The score was only 1-0.  United striker and resident hothead Wayne Rooney and his £250,000 a week salary pitted against Sergio Torres and his £620 a week salary.  It wasn’t a barnstormer by any means, but it wasn’t a snoozer either.  I’d love to see more of this in sports…

…if you are in my office and there is a small period of silence, do not feel the need to fill up that silence with whistling, humming, small talk or (especially) drumming your fingers.  While you are drumming your fingers, I am fantasizing about breaking those fingers one by one.  Stay still Mr. McFigdetpants.  It’s silence.  Enjoy it.  There’s not a lot of it around…

           

…I usually stay out of politics, and especially politics of other countries, but to all those liberals who are grooving on Ron Paul:  read up on his frigging political positions!...

…I usually grow a winter beard, but it’s been so unseasonably warm that I’m thinking of shaving it.  But of course, the moment I shave it, the temperature will plummet.  I know it’s all in my head, but this year I’m not taking any chances…

…Dear advertisers: yes.  I’m a man.  Like many men, I like beer and tits and sports.  You got me.  But for God’s sake, there’s a little more to me than that.  Stop covering up how poorly you portray women in ads by casting men as slow-witted and useless and needing women to cheerfully and uncomplainingly clean up after us and/or prevent us from swallowing our tongues.  I’ve spent more than a few years looking after myself without being mothered by a woman, and have done pretty good for myself.  Two wrongs do not make a right…

…Another sign I’m getting older:  When out for a run, I take my cell with me, even though it’s a pain in the ass.  Just in case…

…My foot is still causing me a lot of bother the day after I run.  In the back of mind, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to play soccer anymore.  Of course, I was thinking three months ago that I’ll always walk with a limp and two months before that, I’ll be walking with a cane at the age of 35.  No more self-whammies, I’ll be just fine…

There.  The deck is a little emptier.  Talk soon.