I've alluded to the fact that Nick has had (and continues to have) a tough time since I left in August of 2010. He didn't take me leaving very well, although it did take a while to sink in. For months, he kept hope that I'd return home and mommy and I would resume our life as it had been. Once he was reasonably certain that wasn't going to happen, he became very angry with me and often refused to see me, or threw fits until I left. This was a dark and difficult time in our relationship. Nick's school division counselor recommended that we remain firm and steadfast that we spend time with each other on a regular basis, but that was easier said than done. There were times I'd pick up Nick to spend time with him, and he'd flop on the sidewalk and scream for an hour. It was frustrating and exhausting and never was I angrier at Annie for doing what she did. And I'm not certain what Annie (and more especially Annie's mom) was telling him about me
It was this past June when things started getting better between us. He got off his chest everything that he felt he needed to keep from me; the affair that Annie was having that he was a witness of, being friends with the guy's little boy (which he never did see again) and all of that. It came out of him like a flood, and I could tell he felt hugely relieved to be unburdened by it. Slowly, he started to warm up to me and now we get along fine.
My mom says how much he reminds her of me when I was his age. I can see that. We look almost identical and he often slips into flights of imagination that I was prone to. Imagine Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes was a real little boy and you have Nick. Sometimes he can be absolutely irritating. He can get lost in his own imagination, just like Calvin and there are literally times I have to clap my hands in front of his face to get him back to reality. And there are times where he's doing something wrong and he will literally not stop until you have to physically remove him from the situation. A couple of years ago, I caught him pouring all our bottles of soap and conditioner and lotions down the sink. I told him to stop. He wouldn't. I carried him out of the bathroom and he ran back in to do it again. He had no clue why we would have a problem with this.
He's really sensitive and does not take criticism well. He's also prone to being overly dramatic especially when he's under pressure. He used to have occasional meltdowns, but now he just shuts down and goes inside himself when his feelings are hurt. He'll mumble into his chest and stare at his feet, sometimes for an hour or more. He'll never discuss why he's upset in the moment. This concerns me, but I've learned not to push the issue immediately and he'll usually talk about it in his next visit.
He's far more adept at math than I was at his age, but not much of a reader. He loves being read to, but does not read himself, whereas I couldn't wait to start reading my own books. He loves puzzles and chess, and has a much more natural feel for the game than I did at his age, although he still feels the need to 'play silly' once in a while, where he moves twice, or the king can move like a queen etc. I'm putting him into scholastic chess next year, despite Annie's reservations.
Despite his generally introverted nature, he makes friends far more easily and naturally than I ever did. He's one of the more popular boys in his class, which I never was. When I take him to the playground, he can make friends almost instantly which I could never do.
Annie's getting remarried in a couple of years, but her fiancee is living with her and her family now. I've met the guy, and I actually work with one of his friends, and all indications seem to say that he's a decent fellow and will be a good stepdad for Nick. Nick tells me he doesn't like him, but I think Nick is trying to protect my feelings and he really does like him. It's not easy having another person fill in for the role of dad because you're not there, no matter why I left. Nick needs stability now more than anything (which is why I didn't like the idea of shared custody, where he's literally splitting his time between two places) and I hope if this guy is going to be in Nick's life, Annie doesn't fuck this one up, although I have serious doubts about that considering Annie is in serious denial about our split in the first place. I don't know too much about the situation, but I think theirs is a marriage of convenience more than anything. She needs someone to take care of her, and he needs a mother for his two year old. I'm not sure this makes a solid foundation for marriage, but perhaps I'm wrong. I do know that if another guy splits because of Annie's nonsense, it will probably irreparably damage his relationship with his mom. As it stands, she is already in heaps of denial about what Nick knows about her past affair and I have a feeling things will come to a head later in Nick's life. My father witnessed his mom's affair when he was a little boy, and she died before he could tell her how it made him feel, how much pressure it put on him, and the secret he had to keep from his father until the day my grandfather died at the age of 93 last year. It exacted a gigantic emotional toll on my dad, which he dealt with primarily by spending 50 years slowly drinking himself to death. The thing is, Annie did pretty much the exact same thing, all the while knowing about my dad and what happened to him.
Anyway, Nick is pulling at my arm to get off the computer. We are planning a trip to the Children's Museum this afternoon before I take him home. We got a long day ahead of us and I want to squeeze every last childish, lazy drop out of it. Take care.
-PW
I never thought that I would say this: I sometimes miss going to The Children's Museum.
ReplyDeleteWow. I used to have to take a deep breath just walking in the door and now...I get all nostalgic when I think about it.
Sorry to sound so sappy, but cherish this time.