Post Holiday... Cheer?

Well, the holidays are just about over, and frankly I'm happy for it.  I've never been a Christmassy person, at least the glossy, shopping mall version of Christmas.  Or any other version of Christmas, come to think about it.  I don't have very fond memories of Christmas growing up, which every year followed roughly the same pattern:

• Dad would drink way too much Christmas Eve
• Dad would start yelling at people
• Rest of Christmas was really awkward

My dad used Christmas as an excuse to indulge in hard liquor.  All year, he'd drink about 6-12 beers a night, but at Christmas, he'd buy about a dozen bottles 'for guests' and they'd all be gone before New Years Eve, so he'd usually have to make a second trip to the liquor store.  As I recall, we didn't have too many guests come over, and those that did would have a drink or two before leaving.  My dad worked for the railway, and he'd go in for a half-day at Christmas Eve with a bottle in his lunch box (which he actually did a lot of days, I found out later in life), which would be empty when he came home after lunch (after a drink at the bar).  Then he'd usually sleep for about 4-5 hours before waking up and beginning all over again.

Dad was not a happy, lovable drunk.  He could be, but dad was more of a wild mood swings kind of drunk, which meant he could be happy-go-lucky one minute and violently angry the next minute and then full of depression and despair the minute after that.  He was like this all year round, but doubly so at Christmas, because it seemed like he was always sauced at the holidays.  There is a line in a Meatloaf song that goes something like 'he was dangerous, drunk and defeated and corroded by failure and envy and hate.'  It's easy to dismiss my father as a villain in the story of my life, but he's a far more complicated character.

Me and the boys were over at mom and dad's, like we are every Christmas, because both my parents have a phobia about leaving their neighbourhood.  This Christmas was the first that my dad did not have any hard liquor in the house.  Alcoholism has ravaged his body to the point where at the age of 65, he looks about 80 and I have personally thought at about 3 separate occasions that he was sure to be dead by the end of the year.  When he can't drink hard liquor anymore (there was still plenty of beer), I know he's just about finished.  

I'm sorry, I really didn't intend for this post to go in this direction.  I do have good Christmas memories, and I do enjoy watching my kids have fun with it, but Christmas has always had an added dimension of anxiety beyond the usual stresses associated with it.  As years go by, I crave a Christmas muted and low-key and forgoing the gifts and lights and nonsense for something a little more thoughtful.  Apart from watching my kids having a good time, my fondest Christmas memory is having a Festivus drink with a good friend of mine at the local pub.  They did the airing of grievances on the open mic and everything. 

And New Years?  Forget it.  This year, my boys will be over armed with their Star Wars films and video games.  Excellent, I couldn't ask for anything better.  Watching Luke saving dear old dad and the Death Star blowing up for the nth time with chips and root beer is going to be awesome!  Take care, and all the best in the New Year.