It’s nice being able to even write this down as my relationship with my sons in the past 16 months have been turbulent to say the least. There was a time when my older son flat out refused to come over and spend time with me. In fact, when I came and got him, he would sometimes pitch the most ear-splitting fits. And he is not a kid that pitches ear-splitting fits. In fact, I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times Nick (he should be christened with a name in this blog) has even cried or acted out in public.
Sometimes he would be stoked to see me, but
more often than not, he DID NOT want to see me or spend time with me.
My ex was making a bit of an effort to reinforce
the fact that he needed to see me, but quite often she would tell me that he
didn’t want to come and if he pitched a fit when I came she was quite happy
just to indulge him and that would be that.
I think for her this was some kind of victory.
And there were weeks I was fine with that,
to be honest. Not that I didn’t want to
see Nick and Gerry (boy #2 is hereby christened), of course, but it was painful
having them over for a couple of days having them over only to say goodbye to
them again. It hurt like hell, and to be
honest, there were times I was too cowardly to deal with that pain. Over time, that went away and I loved having
them over, even if it was fleetingly brief.
Then one weekend about six months ago,
things changed.
Me and Annie (the ex has now been
christened) had agreed that we were no longer going to indulge Nick’s tantrums,
that he was spending every 2nd weekend with me and that was that. And that was what we did. And he protested at first, but then he came
around when he realized he was stuck with me from Friday night to Sunday night. He actually started to have fun.
Every time we are together, I gently talk
with him a little bit about why I’m not living with him, his brother and mommy
anymore. He grows distant and morose and
taciturn and is unwilling to talk much.
I put this down to him being confused and angry with me for leaving, and
there is certainly a lot of that, but one night he had revealed to me that
mommy and ‘Dennis’, which was the guy my ex was having an affair with, were
‘together’ now.
I wasn’t sure what their status was, since
he was married as well, but I had noticed they kept friending and unfriending
each other on Facebook until last April when they unfriended for good, so I
assumed there was an on-again/off-again something going on between them. I really didn’t care, I had actually found it
amusing more than anything else.
The problem was, Martin was good friends
with Dennis’ son right up until the affair was discovered. After I left, Nick never saw him again.
To this day, Nick is upset about losing his
friend so abruptly. And while sitting
with him having supper one night, he revealed that he knew more than what he
let on.
He told me that Mommy and Dennis were
‘together’ and he used to go over a lot to Dennis’ place ‘when his mom wasn’t
home’, ‘mom’ meaning Dennis’ wife.
Dennis had just had back surgery and was off work for the summer. My ex was on maternity leave with Gerry, who
was three months old at the time. I
don’t know for certain what that means, but considering they were having their
affair where he and Annie’s parents had summer cabins, I’m guessing that they
were staying together while Dennis’ wife was in the city working. That means my sons were there too while she
was seeing them and all while she was
still married to me. He was five.
I’m none too happy about her involving the
kids in this, and I believe she did it for the basest of reasons, that is their
presence helped provide cover. In short,
she used our sons to facilitate her fucking her boyfriend and getting away with
it.
There is actually far more to this story
than I want to talk about today, but I will get back to it some day. Back to where I was…
I told him I knew what had happened. He asked me if that was why I left. Yes, amongst other things I told him. He asked if his misbehaving sometimes caused
me to leave. I told him of course not,
that the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was leave him and his brother.
He acted as if a great weight had lifted
from his shoulders. A big part of what
was going on with him was his need to protect me from the truth – a job he felt
was his. He’s been through so much. As I said, he puts the weight of the world on
his shoulders. We hugged and cried for a
long time that night.
Things are by no means perfect between us,
but they are much better. He looks
forward to coming over now and he always has big hugs for me. He no longer pitches a fit when he comes
over.
Friday we usually have dinner, we play for
a bit and I put Gerry to bed. Then Nick
and I stay up late watching movies, playing video games or watching Youtube
videos. Then I read him a story and put
him to bed.
Saturday is the day I take them out,
sometimes to the park, sometimes out to the museum or the library, but we make
an afternoon of it. I cook supper when
we get back home, play and bed again.
Sunday is usually our lazy day, at least in the morning. I make a big breakfast. Video games or TV. Play.
Outside. And then Grandma and
Grandpa’s and then I take them back to Annie’s.
Once in a while I take them somewhere really special for a treat.
This weekend, poor little Gerry had a fever
when he arrived. His eyes were glassy
and he was fussy and cranky. And while
his fever went down over the weekend, his mucous production went way up. He ate and drank little and was in a
generally miserable mood. Nick was Nick…
all balled up with excitement and anticipation and wanting to do 20 things an
hour and disappointed 18 of them didn’t happen.
We baked cookies on Saturday and had to go
to the corner store to get vanilla extract and carrots. We baked oatmeal and peanut butter cookies,
and he actually stuck with it up until the rolling the cookie dough onto the
sheets, which he had a hard time doing.
I showed him, but he didn’t have the patience to work it out, so I ended
up making mine look as lopsided as his, just to show him that it really wasn’t
that big of a deal.
But that was pretty much it. Gerry was in no mood to be outside or on the
move, and neither was I or Nick. We had
a lazy weekend watching Youtube, playing video games and reading.
Nick was curiously talking almost non-stop
about England ’s football
(soccer) team pretty much all weekend, which is odd because he stopped liking England after I left and started supporting Germany England shirt, he wear his and Gerry wear his
while we played Pro Evolution Soccer on my Xbox and play England England Newcastle
Our weekend ended with an uncharacteristic
knock on my door. Usually the ex texts
me ahead of time and I’ll have to boys ready to go. Not this time. She peevishly tells me she sent me two
texts. I shrug, check my phone. No texts.
‘Sorry Annie… didn’t get ‘em’.
She continues to act annoyed until I show her my phone… ‘See?’
‘Okay, okay, I believe you. Give me your
buzzcode so I don’t have to wait outside next time.’
I’ve given her the buzzcode virtually every
time she’s been over. Even if she can’t
remember it or write it down or store it in her phone, I told her it was simply
the first two numbers of the building’s address and then my apartment
number. To which she always tells me
that she can’t remember my apartment number.
It’s 10. Still as
passive-aggressive as ever.
Hmm… must be fighting with her new fiancée;
she’s really irritated. Whatever. I give her the buzzcode, which she stores in
her iTouch.
Anyway, the boys go off and I watch them
walking down the hall and out the door, Nick dragging the cookies he baked
along the floor. I tell him to lift the
bag higher, or all his cookies will break.
He doesn’t listen, he’s too busy babbling to his mom about what he did
on weekend, running circles around her.
I close the door and put ice on my
foot. It always feels beaten up after
they visit. I crack open a beer and put
in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
It’s going to be awfully quiet here for a
couple of weeks. Come on England!
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